Witch from Fisherman and his Soul
Wilde's witch has amazing hair.

How I didn't become a witch

When I was a teenager, I learned about wicca on the Internet and decided to give it a go. By that time I'd had some
Catholic schooling, so to cover all bases, I said a prayer that went something like this: "Dear God, I'm thinking of
doing witchcraft. If that's a no-go, make it rain in the morning." It was a sunny day but just to insure myself against
an accident, I added: "Actually, if you're against it, make hail." To my dismay, I woke up to hailstones beating against
my window. I never took up witchcraft and eventually gave up on Catholicism as well.

My favourite witches

Some witches that I like, in no particular order.

  1. Foul and fair witches in Macbeth. Macbeth is in my Shakespeare top 3 and the witches have a lot to do with it. They fuck everyone up. They have beards and Banquo is confused because he can’t gender them. They are also easily the smartest characters in the play and they give Macbeth plenty of rope to hang himself with. Furthermore, they have
    the best lines, except for the ‘Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow’ soliloquy by Macbeth himself.

  2. What d'ye lack witch in Fisherman and his Soul. She’s got the gift of the gab like Macbeth’s witches but she’s less bent on destruction. Maybe it’s because she’s younger but she’s intent of making love not war. This witch is smart, beautiful and just wants to make it with the dumb fisherman who makes all the wrong choices. I love the things she says and I melt when she’s all concerned about his soul and instead of money demands a dance. This is the witch for me.

  3. Willow Rosenberg
    Willow Rosenberg in a dope jumper.
  4. Sarah Sanderson, aka the slutty witch in Hocus Pocus. Sarah Jessica Parker was amazing in this role, doubtless the highlight of her career. Whilst the other two witches are mean and predictable (evil laugh, check), Sarah is fun and good-spirited. All she wants is to sit on the lap of a bus driver. She’s easily my favourite. I don’t know if I’m biased about this movie because of childhood nostalgia but I rewatched it last Halloween and it has lost very little of its charm.

  5. Ottfried Preussler’s Little Witch. I read this book as a kid and I love the Little Witch to this day. She’s cute, introspective and sucks as a witch. Other witches burn her broomstick and tell her to seriously up her game.
    The Little Witch wants to do improve but she is also kind and curious about the world she inhabits. She has a raven called Abraxas who constantly tells her off and would facepalm endlessly if ravens could do such a thing. Cute overload.

  6. Willow Rosenberg. Willow is the reason I got into Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the first place. While Buffy dresses
    like a Y2K American sweetheart and goes out with the likes of Riley (fuck you, Riley), Willow wears Scooby Doo t-shirts and dates witches and werewolves. The series may have been written for Buffy but Willow owns it.
    Sometime in season 5 or 6 they start messing with the characters really badly which affects Willow too but she’s
    great up to that point.

Take me home