Homework

These are the things that I would be doing if I wasn't busy doing nothing. Watch the paint dry this space.

• The bust of Caroline Lucas
• Bring a ruler on a Ryanair flight so I could measure the advertising in front of the seat so I could then make a sticker to cover it.
• Open a butcher's shop with a window sign that says 'curated sausages'. And a swingers' club in the basement. [shelved indefinitely]
• Build a puppet theatre and play with salmon fish heads. They would have different voices. [shelved indefinitely]
• Write a short story starring Osprey and Black-Backed Gull, who live in the pictures at The White Swan. They have a long-standing hatred of
  each other. When suits get drunk, the birds come out of their picture frame and chuck cold chips at each other. [note: The White Swan has
  apparently closed down]
• Cook food from books. Get mother involved too as she's interested in this.
• Write a story about a priest who has to watch all the other people get married and secretly thinks bad thoughts during the ceremony.
• Set up a moth book club lives for one month a year.
• Translate the gazelle book into English and then translate my mother's photography book.
• Create a drinking game to go with Prime Minister's Questions. You drink when someone says key phrases, such as "hard working families". [shelved indefinitely]
• Write a horror story in which you only die when someone watches. I'm thinking it would have something to do with a peephole.
• Write a story in which friends fulfill the dream of living within one mile of each other in a pie chart layout and then it turns into a nightmare.

Take me home